How Mentorship (Even Virtual!) Helps Build Emotional Intelligence and Your Career
There are a lot of things in life that you can’t control, but building emotional intelligence (EI) isn’t one of them. In fact, it might be the single most important skill you can take ownership of, especially at work. And the fastest way to develop it? Mentorship. Consider this research from companies studying EQ:
- 52% of companies say they promote leaders based on emotional intelligence (Keevee.com)
- Emotional intelligence accounts for almost 60% of personal and professional success (Forbes)
- People with higher EI earn, on average, nearly $30,000 more per year (Niagara Institute).
The numbers speak for themselves. But building emotional intelligence doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen alone. Let’s look at how one employee, River, made meaningful change through virtual mentorship.
The Case Study
River is a 29-year-old cybersecurity software sales representative who’s been in the same role for five years without a promotion. As their 30th birthday approaches, they’re grappling with the feeling that their career has stalled. They had such a strong start quickly becoming one of the top performers in their first two years. Now they feel stuck on a plateau that seems impossible to climb.
Growing up, River was always the sensitive kid. Teachers would call home about their “overreactions” to criticism or conflict. Even now, they know their feelings get hurt too easily, and they often find themselves getting defensive when receiving feedback. River sees these patterns in themselves but hasn’t been able to change them, despite years of trying.
Frustrated and unsure how to move forward, they sign up for the company’s new “Sales Accelerator” mentoring program. That’s how they’re matched with Emily, an experienced leader who works in a different division and specializes in enterprise software sales.
Their first virtual meeting is eye-opening. “River, I want to be honest with you,” Emily says over a video call. “You’ve got strong technical skills and you clearly understand our cybersecurity solutions inside and out. But your emotional reactions might be holding you back from that next level. That used to be my story, too. It wasn’t until I focused on emotional intelligence that things really shifted for me.”
Emily helps River identify specific areas for growth: communication, relationship-building, collaboration, conflict resolution, and emotional self-awareness.
The Mentoring Framework
Over their first few sessions, Emily shares her structured approach to building emotional intelligence, and shares with River that she learned them from her mentor.
Session 1: Self-Awareness Foundation “River, the first step is recognizing your emotional triggers before they happen,” Emily explains. “I want you to keep a simple log for one week. When do you feel defensive? What specific words or situations set you off? We can’t manage what we don’t measure.”
Emily recommends River read “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” by Travis Bradberry. “It has a great assessment tool that will give you baseline scores in four EI areas. Start there.”
Session 2: The Pause Practice “Here’s what changed everything for me,” Emily says. “When I feel that familiar surge of defensiveness, I’ve trained myself to take what I call ‘the strategic pause.’ Count to three. Breathe. Ask yourself: What’s the outcome I actually want here? Not what feels good in the moment, but what serves my goals.”
She shares a case study from her own career: “I once had a client tell me our software was ‘overpriced garbage’ in front of my entire team. My first instinct was to defend and argue. Instead, I paused and said, ‘I hear that you’re frustrated. Help me understand what specific value you’re not seeing.’ That led to a two-hour conversation that ultimately resulted in our biggest deal that quarter.”
Session 3: Reframing Conflict “River, I want you to watch a movie this week: ’12 Angry Men.’ Pay attention to Juror 8, Henry Fonda’s character. Watch how he influences others not through force or defensiveness, but through patience, empathy, and strategic questioning. That’s emotional intelligence in action.”
Emily continues: “Conflict isn’t personal failure, it’s information. When someone pushes back on your cybersecurity recommendations, they’re not attacking you. They’re showing you exactly what concerns they need addressed.”
Day 1: Small Changes, Big Start
The next morning, River refers to the notes from their mentoring session. They remind themselves of their first focus: improving day-to-day communication. When a coworker greets them at the office, they normally just nod while mentally rehearsing their sales pitch for the day. Today, they make eye contact, smile, and say, “Good morning! How’s your project with the financial services client going?” A small moment, but a step forward.
Later, they’re on a call with a potential client, a CTO named Alex who sounds annoyed right off the bat. “Look, I’ve got three other vendors calling me about network security. Why should I care about yours?” Normally, River would launch into their technical features list or get flustered by the dismissive tone. But this time, they take Emily’s strategic pause, reset their tone, and respond: “Alex, it sounds like you’re getting bombarded with similar pitches. What’s the specific security challenge keeping you up at night that those other solutions aren’t addressing?”
Alex doesn’t say yes, but they do spend 20 minutes explaining their unique compliance requirements and agrees to another meeting. River counts that as a win.
Day 2: Feedback and Forward Motion
In their next video check-in, River tells Emily about the client call. “You changed the entire dynamic of that conversation, River. That’s a huge deal,” Emily says. “That’s emotional intelligence in action: being aware of your own state, reading the room, and adapting to others. Instead of making it about your product, you made it about their problem. Keep that up.”
She encourages them to keep contributing, even when results aren’t instant.
Later that day, during the team’s weekly pipeline review, River speaks up during a discussion about a stalled enterprise deal, something they’d normally avoid for fear of being wrong. They share how they adjusted their approach with Alex and the difference it made. Their colleagues respond enthusiastically, swapping similar stories about reading client frustration. Three of the five close deals that afternoon. River doesn’t get a deal, but this time, they don’t spiral. The collaboration energizes them.
Day 3: A Test of Growth
Late in the day, a conflict flares. River returns from a client meeting to discover a coworker, Marcus, has been calling their prospect – a healthcare company River has been nurturing for months. In the past, River might have confronted Marcus publicly or sent a heated email copying their manager.
But remembering Emily’s advice about conflict being information, not attack, they keep calm. River approaches Marcus privately.
“Marcus, I noticed you’ve been in touch with MedTech Solutions. I’ve been working with their CISO for the past two months on their security audit requirements. Can we sync up so we’re not duplicating efforts or confusing the client?”
Their teammates who overhear take note. River handled the moment with composure and professionalism, while Marcus’s flustered response, “I didn’t know you were working with them” reveals the lack of coordination. Emotional maturity has a way of revealing itself when it matters most.
Mentorship Makes the Growth Stick
At the end of the day, River is still feeling unsure; they didn’t close a deal, and old doubts about their stalled career are creeping in. But just before logging off, they get a ping: a message from Emily.
“Hey River, I want to say I’m proud of you. You’re showing growth in the exact areas we talked about: strategic communication, emotional regulation, and conflict resolution. These things take time, but I can already see you stepping into the version of yourself that leadership will notice. That conversation with Marcus? That’s executive-level emotional intelligence. Keep going.”
In just a few days, River hasn’t changed everything, but they’ve started changing the things that matter most. And that’s the power of mentorship: it doesn’t just teach you skills. It gives you reflection, accountability, encouragement and a shortcut to emotional intelligence that can shape the rest of your career.
Ready to Build a Mentoring Program That Drives Real Growth?
Mentorship isn’t just a feel-good initiative, it’s a strategic advantage that develops emotionally intelligent, high-performing teams.
Book a free 30-minute strategy session with our team to explore how you can build or strengthen a mentoring program that delivers measurable results.
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Christy Pettit is Chief Executive Officer and Co-Founder of Pollinate Networks Inc.
For 25 years, Christy has developed new approaches and best practices for agile, effective organizations worldwide. She is an expert on matching people and organizations for applications including knowledge transfer and mentorship programs, flexible virtual and hybrid teams, and productive organizational and business ecosystems and networks.
